when at work you and your bf are talking about taking showers later on and a patron walks up to the desk.
Asks my co-librarian to the third grade class we have visiting. Gestures to me and says,
‘I’m sure Paige knows what it means…could you explain it to them?’
and it probably wasn’t good.
Hey, nice one there big guy;
the men’s bathroom smells like pot. Thanks.
…just realized the last people in the men’s bathroom were middle schoolers.
what the hell dood.
Thinking back two years ago - the summer before junior year - is hazy and seems miles away from now; I feel as though the person I was then is not at all the person I am now. I’ve changed a lot, but mostly I guess I’ve remained the same. Realizations were made that I didn’t even begin to step on then.
For one, I was in a relationship at that point, and had been for four months (this time in August). I was in puppy love, hopeful and optimistic and giddy. My world slowly was boiling down to that person, and after some time I realize now I hadn’t been completely honest with myself. I became bored eventually and blamed myself for it, only to center myself more around him to compensate. During the rest of that year, I became more clingy and dependent and although it was nice, easier to do that than face the truth, I realize now it did, of course, bring me down.
As the year went on, I still wasn’t very content. I felt stilted and trapped and run down in the same routine - my senior year left me wanting nothing else but to leave. By the end, I know I didn’t embrace it - mainly, I was adversed to getting close to others and being judged. I wanted nothing to do with people.
These past few months I feel I’ve really pushed my limits and in doing so have realized more than I have throughout the past two years, maybe. Once I was out of school, I had nothing but work and a few close friends that became my focus. Before I knew it, I was wholeheartedly involved in my job which really, has not happened with anything like that before. I ran two events, one geared towards kids, the other adults. I took photographs of the events, managed the website, took risks (made mistakes) and learned more than I have in any summer. Because of this, it was one of the best. I hung out with my friends more - usually I hermit it up during the summer, keep to myself and catch up on things I want to - and bridged up some sort of friendships with people I hadn’t really talked to before, and even caught up with an old friend (ish, accidentally). More often than not, I was have a great time, just living and laughing it up - I realized I hadn’t really been laughing enough, or much for that matter, before.
“I’m sick of all the insincere/so I’m gonna give all my secrets away” and “This has just gotta be a good life” have been my mindsets this summer. Being open and honest and full of good humor - lord knows the world needs more of it.
Also: action means a hell of a lot more than words.
And accepting more people for who they are rather than what I’d like them to be - and allowing them to fill your life with whatever. Who cares if we all come from different backgrounds, we’re in the same place and that’s all the comfort we need.
Hopefully starting school won’t backtrack me again, and maybe in two years (when I graduate and am on my way to a four year college) I can honestly say, I’ve changed little.
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